RASPBERRY ICED TEA RECIPE

I would like to present you with a recipe of how NOT to make raspberry iced tea as a special treat for your dear & loving hubby.
#1) DON'T retrieve an antique 1/2 gallon canning jar from the bottom cupboard (because when the antique canning jar is in the bottom cupboard, and the back of the cupboard is on the outside wall of the house, and that outside wall of the house is not insulated, and the temperature outside is somewhere between 35-40*F-- the antique 1/2 gallon canning jar is cold).
#2) After retrieving the jar from the cupboard, DON'T think "Hmmm- is this jar too cold? Should I run it under warm or hot tap water first?" and "This jar feels really heavy for a 1/2 gallon canning jar, I wonder if it's too old and therefore not tempered and therefore not strong enough to actually use?"- and then dismiss the thought with "Oh, I've used this jar many, many times in the past 6 months to make my dear & loving hubby his favorite iced tea. Never had a problem before! Even all those times I pulled this antique 1/2 gallon canning jar out of the fridge & dumped boiling water into it. After all, it's a canning jar, and they're made for high temp- right?"
#3) DON'T put the jar on the counter, drop in 3 Red Rose tea bags, check the kettle to make sure that the water is boiling good and hard, and then leaning against the counter a little (the better to pour 1/2 gallon of water) proceed to hold the rim of the jar and pour the boiling good and hard water into the antique 1/2 gallon canning jar.
#4) When the antique 1/2 gallon canning jar explodes across the counter and the water doesn't just flow nicely across the counter creating a huge puddle across anything and everything that you didn't want to get wet (like bills, seed catalogs, your gelcap vitamins set out as a reminder...)- DO jump violently back from the counter.
#5) When you don't do step #4 quickly enough, DO start crying & yelling due to the excruciating pain of scalding water soaking through sock & adhereing scalding hot sock to the top of your foot, all the while jumping around on the unoffended foot while ripping all clothing affected by the scalding hot water off of your person in a self-defense mechanism.
#6) AND, when your dear & loving hubby walks through the kitchen doorway at the precise moment that you begin your dance, DO make a mental note of how wonderful he is when he does NOT say "WHAT ARE YOU DOING" followed by insane & insinsitive laughter (because that's what he wants to do, but he is showing in human restraint & remembers that you might not find it quite so funny at that moment).
#7) And finally, when you hop out of the kitchen half-clothed, whimpering, and collapse in the nearest chair, make another mental note of doing something wonderful for your dear & loving hubby because he brings you a cold clothe for your extremely offended, poor, scalded foot- and then cleans up the huge mess in the kitchen...and never yet has he said anything to the effect of...well, if you're married you'll know what I mean.
#8) Make a note to stop at the store tomorrow to purchase something that is NOT glass as an iced tea making recepticle.
#9) Give up on the day and, since it's already 9:30pm, just go to bed.